Creating Balance In Your Life

In today's episode, I discuss "Creating Balance", with practical steps to do it successfully, as well as the benefits to caregivers and the people they take care of.

Episode Key points:

[00:29] How Leah realized she needed to consciously create balance. 

[09:14] The first step to creating balance; Prioritizing.

[11:55] Be unapologetic and ask for help. 

[20:07] Accept Help

[27:10] Leah's upcoming membership; "Surviving to Thriving"

 Connect: 

Find | IT MIGHT BE YOU

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Thanks for listening!

Transcript

Leah McIntosh  0:00  
Welcome to it might be you podcast. I'm your host, Leah McIntosh. I'm here to help you learn that on the other side of that pain and trauma is your transformation. There may be some limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and private struggles that have led you to having your it might be me moment, I'm here to help you learn to adapt, because we were created to be limitless. My hope is with each episode you feel more understood, and willing to accept that although some of our past decisions landed us in a place of uncertainty, we're only one decision away from living our best lives. Now. Let's heal.

Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode of it might be you. Of course, this is Leah, and today's the solo episode. And we're going to talk about creating balance in your life. And I know for some, it might be laughable, like balance really does that even exist. But it does. And it's really important that you learn how to create it. And you know, let's just get right into it. I remember the first time I realized I needed it in my life. Before I started doing what I do now, which is, you know, being a sponsored residential provider.

And a life coach. I had zero balance, I didn't even know that you could create balance. I didn't know, I had no clue what it was. I knew about, you know, balancing your, your plate and in, you know, trying to eat a balanced diet, but balance in my life. What is that I was someone who worked multiple jobs, pretty much all through starting in, I guess in my 20s. And I've been an entrepreneur full time since I was 30. So in my 30s balance has been huge for me. But

I remember, right at the end, when I was kind of deciding I need to change something.

Because this is horrible. I had recently gotten married. And that was a deal in my 30s. So yeah, I was 30, about about 30 years old. But a year before that, I had started the process of kind of transitioning. And so I was

working two jobs when he was sleeping on the bed at night with my husband at night because I was working overnights. And I think it was like three to 11 and then 11 to seven like I it was horrible. I hardly see my husband that first years though. And I remember telling them I

can't keep doing this. First off, I'm getting older and my body is just I don't want to work overnight is horrible on my body, and I'm just tired. And

you know, I would want to sleep during the daytime and my husband had this really bad habit

of not understanding the life of a night shifter. So you'd be coming in the room and trying to talk to me and I'm sleeping, I would just bite his head off like, Hello, I'm literally sleep, leave me alone.

But I had no idea that it was because I didn't prioritize at that point, self care and work life balance I hadn't. And so

when I started my entrepreneurial journey, that was still a struggle for me.

The first the first year, so I started realizing I have to balance I have to I had to figure out a way to still get things done for Leah.

But still show up for everyone else too.

Because I'm still a person, you know, I'm still individual and sometimes when you're in positions, because we wear everybody wears a lot of hats. Whether it's your mom, your supervisor at work, whatever it is that you once you do. You still got you still have to learn to individualize yourself in that forget about you, especially if you're a mama. I know that's hard as a caregiver for someone that's differently abled.

It is a hard thing. I'm not going to sit up here and say that

you're going to magically be able to create this balance in your life in a week or so. No, that's not. That's not accurate. It took me a while.

Maybe about a year or so I remember.

So I think I was I was 31

I started down my

path. And when I became my own boss, and

a few weeks or not few a few months in, I remember telling my husband, I feel so guilty.

You looked at me like I had two heads, like, What are you talking about?

Like, I feel guilty because like, I don't have to be up constantly moving.

I don't have to, you know, be somewhere I am working from home, like, This is so weird to me.

And at the time, I only had B with me, which is one of my guys, and he was really and still is very independent.

On some situations,well in most situations, with a little bit of help, he could do things his own self, though,

I had come from a place where that was not a thing. You know, we I was in a very volatile house at that point, when I was working in the group home settings where,

you know, it wasn't an unusual thing for there to be a scuffle. And for me to have to be in the middle of it, breaking it up. So it was just crazy to have to go from such

a physical position to be able to just lounge on this couch and basically say, hey, do you need me call me. And so for a while, I struggled with that, you know, with the guilt of I really don't have to be up doing every little thing for people.

And so when I got a second guy, that's what I realized, okay.

I'm gonna have to figure out a new routine for my life. Because I, at that point, I never had a moment to myself, you know, it's one thing to have one person that you're the caregiver for. But when you have to, yeah, it's a different ballgame.

And so I realized, then, I need to figure out how

I'm going to balance this, I need to figure out when I'm gonna take care of Leah, because at this point, I had my husband who still believed that I was supposed to do every little thing for him. Still does sometimes. And then I have these two amazing guys that, you know, actually need me.

And so I put myself on the back burner.

And realize, like, when I looked up, and it had been six months, since I had, like,

a break,

where I just took care of me and did something just for me. I was like, Okay, yeah, it's time to do something different here. at that particular time, was about a year in.

And

both of my my guys at that point were working. So the only time that I had to do things, like I'm talking about basic, Leah, my laundry,

run and for myself in all those type of things, what without extra people

was during

their work hours.

And when they were not at work, because I think both of maybe work two to three days a week, they were with me 24 seven and they were expecting entertainment. So I literally had zero days off, I still don't have any days off. It's 24 hour job just like being a mom and dad, you know, you don't get a day off. So it was really difficult for a while there for me to figure out. Okay, I know that

I'm always going to be responsible for these guys. 24 seven, the only time that I'm actually going to have time to do things for myself are on x y z days. So the first step to creating balance was prioritizing a time for me to do things for me.

And putting it on a calendar, I put everything else on a calendar, or, or whatever, I don't know whatever it is that you use. I know some people are just like totally against calendars and that's fine planner, whatever it is that you use, literally prioritize and put pencil yourself in.

Pencil something in that you want to do. specifically for you.

And let's talk about

maybe the fact that, you know, there's limiting beliefs and thoughts around self care, or doing things for yourself, it's kind of deemed as selfish is not selfish. Actually one of the best things you can do for you. And that if you do believe that it is a limiting belief, okay, that's something that's just not true.

I found that when I started to create balance, and practice self care, I was a much better caregiver. And my, my guys were able to flourish more, and we were able to do more for them, I was able to do more for them, I could show up differently, because I didn't forget about myself either.

And there may be, you know, someone out there who's listening who has a differently abled child, or adult

who is completely reliant on you. I'm talking about, you know, scheduled feedings scheduled, everything, you know, you're just you're on this regimen. And with that, I know, it's harder for you to create balance. But you can literally pick

a 30 minute block somewhere in your day, just to do something for you, whether that's read a book,

take a nap, because sometimes you just need a nap. Whatever it is, take that whatever is going to help you to recharge your batteries. figure that out. So the first step is prioritizing. You basically prioritize a time give yourself a time, we're only going to focus on you.

And then

the second thing

is

be unapologetic about that. It is okay.

Okay, especially Okay, let's let's even go here. I speak to a lot of Mama's who have differently abled kiddos who feel completely guilty about asking for help.

And that's not serving you or your child.

If you need help, if you need a break, I have a friend, let me just use an example of this. I have a friend who has

a special needs kiddo. And she is the sole caretaker there, there's no her spouse's is passed away. So it's just her.

And she struggles with this with asking for help, you know, she'll call me and ask me certain questions about different programs and things that she can put her son in, but then she never follows through. Financially, sometimes it's it's a big thing. And I've told her, you know, there are programs that can help you.

And there's this belief system.

And this, this is not just in the special needs community, a lot of the times special needs families aren't aware of all the things that are available, or they look at

go into social services as welfare.

Okay, so let's let's kind of dig into this a little bit because

I know I have people who listen, we have differently abled kiddos and adults. I know here in the States. You know, when people think of social services, they think of welfare, well, there's way more to social services than welfare.

And one of those things are if you have a differently abled adult or child is being able to get them on what they call a waiver. And that helps families financially big time, because it takes that burden off of the caretaker financially, you will get that those monies to care for your adult child or adult adult child. I said a child or adult I'm sorry, you know what I meant. And there's this belief system. I don't want to take hands out handouts. I don't want to be on welfare. This is that it's not about you. I'm sorry. It's just not about you. It's about your your child.

And giving them the best

opportunities that are available to them. And it's not welfare, it's a necessity for you, as well. Because if you're struggling financially, and you're still having to show up and do all the things where your child or you're living off of one income, because you are the sole caregiver, having that extra burden lifted from you, is also a form of self care.

Okay is little things guys is not huge, taking a vacation somewhere for a week. Yeah, that's great. But it's the little things that are going to help you throughout your day. And one of the big things that a lot of families struggle with our finances, if you have a child who's medically fragile, or

that has a special need.

That's a huge thing. You know, you you're responsible for a lot of stuff. And so getting

a service that's going to help alleviate that burden from you. And that worry

is huge. So if you haven't learned anything else, from listening to this podcast, in some of the guests that I've had so far, then you've had to learn that

their bodies have shut down on some way. Because there was dis ease created there, when when you're constantly in a state of worry.

And that's it and you haven't found a way to balance and give yourself a break from that

trust and believe at some point your your body's going to break down.

And if you are someone who has kiddos,

or who has just that you don't have to have kids, people are relying on you in some way, shape or form.

You don't want to get sick, because you don't priority you haven't prioritized yourself in some way. So, you know, we got through the first step, which is just prioritizing it, and making it a thing in your life, that every day I'm gonna, at this time, whenever you have the time to pencil it in, I'm going to do X, Y, Z. And it could be, like I said, it could be whatever it is that makes you feel good. That's going to recharge your batteries. I know for me, I'm someone who

in order for me to recharge my batteries, I don't want to be around people, I need to be in my room or someplace where there's no noise, where I can sit and just be by me be by myself. I don't need any other

any other people's energy around me, I need just kind of a clean slate.

And

I had to recognize that in myself, like when I was starting to feel really drained.

And I also know that there's certain people that drain me

even more, and so I had to protect myself from that.

And if you're not aware of that, that's something like just think about this is there anybody in your life that comes around, they after they leave you just feel like you need a nap or you're just completely drained emotionally, physically whatever it is, that person is that energy vampire. So whatever it is you need to do to recharge your batteries and keep yourself

running at an optimal level. Do that. Okay, so if that means you need 30 minutes to go meditate, whatever, I don't care what it is that you do in your little 30 minute break or if you if you're able to give yourself more time than that great. But for now, let's just start with 30 minutes.

If you don't have 30 minutes, start where you can, but start remembering to prioritize you. Okay.

So the second thing that you can start doing I guess well I already said that be unapologetic about it and and ask for help. If you

if you need it. Don't be afraid it doesn't make you less than to ask for help.

Okay, the third is

accepting it.

Accepting now, you know, go to someone that you trust.

And tell them hey,

I'm on the struggle bus today. And I just can't make it to the grocery store. Can you go pick, you know, if you're out and about or whenever you have the time, can you go pick X, Y, and Z. Or

if you're able to afford having your groceries delivered, do that to make things easier in your life, let's start to work smarter, not harder.

I know for me, when I shop online,

I spend less money. And I have more time for my guys, it is a struggle to get them to go to the grocery store with me.

And I realized, Oh, it's so much easier for me to just pull up Walmart calm or wherever I'm shopping at the time, and lift them pick out what they want, as opposed to taking them into the store to do it, because one,

the focus, yeah, I mean, if you have kids, you get it. But that's a whole nother story. So accepting the Help is, is a big hurdle for people to to get over. If you're somebody that's really independent, like myself, that was something that I guess I still do have to work on consciously on a daily basis, as accepting help. Fortunately, for me, my husband has gotten really good at anticipating

when I need a break, or just need space, like I haven't had a real vacation, of course, because a COVID and everything like that, I think it was 2019. Maybe I can't even remember, maybe 2018. And we took a week off. Just because, you know, like I needed it. I had been going nonstop, no vacation, 24 seven with someone in my home, since 2016 15, whatever, whatever it was that I started. And for some families, and some of you that may be listening, vacation, you may have maybe even longer for you. So you got to learn to kind of give yourself a little mini vacations at home. And one of my favorite things to do is listening to an audio book or something for a while, an hour, maybe I give myself that.

And that helps because it transports you to a different place. It gets me out of my own head, I'm really focused on listening to the story. And so that's self care. thing for me, like listening to something that I enjoy listening to

learning a subject that I you know, enjoy whatever it is, like I said, it could be whatever

recharges you

this is that's what I want you to take from this.

So just to recap, the way to create balance

is prioritizing you

recognizing that you do deserve

time pacifically for you to do something that brings you joy, or that creates ease in your life

to asking for help. It Like I said it does not make you less than doing some research to create that help in your life. If you have a special or differently abled adult, it might be that they need to go to some type of a work, work program or go to a day program or whatever, two to three times a week so that you have time for you.

And then third is accepting the help.

Accepting is kind of the biggest hurdle especially if you've been someone who

has been completely reliant on yourself for a long time and independent. Accepting like I said can be a daily thing and realizing when you need to accept it. Because I know for some

the first answer when somebody asks you if you need something is no

and I realized I'll do that and then I think about Hold on wait like

With my husband, here, call me if he's out and about and tell me Hey, I'm about to stop at XYZ, Do you need anything? My first answer is no, that I think about it. Hold on. No, it's actually not No. Yeah, I do need this.

So it could be something as simple as that.

Don't just say no. Give yourself permission to say yes.

Practice saying yes.

Practice saying yes, give yourself one day, for a week, once a day, practice saying yes.

And if even if it feels uncomfortable, because I'm going to tell you this, sometimes when you start down this journey for a balance and self care, it may feel super uncomfortable for a while, but keep doing it. Keep doing it, it's so important to keep doing it until it becomes kind of a second nature thing. Because like I said, I realized when I started prioritizing things that I needed to get done for myself, I've been a much happier person. And everybody in my house, I've been a lot happier. And I'm able to show up in different ways and be a lot more creative about things that I get to expose my my guys to because now I've created a space for myself as well. So with that, I want to thank you all for

spending some time with me today on this solo episode. And I also want to share that I will be opening up my my membership called surviving to thriving for special needs. mamas. Okay. mamas for differently abled babies, and adults. And I'll let you know more about that as the time comes closer to me opening up that membership, but it's coming down the pipe within the next month or so. So yeah, just wanted to share that so that

you're aware that it is coming. And I want to thank you all for listening to another episode of it might be you and I'll talk with you soon. Thanks.

Thank you for listening to another episode of it might be you. Please tune in each Thursday for new releases. And make sure to subscribe, share and review. If you enjoyed this episode. You can find me on Instagram at pear thinker Inc. and as always remember to allow yourself the space for grace and give yourself the gift of self forgiveness.