Creating Safety

In today's episode, I sit with Shawna, an overachiever by nature who became a burnout coach after experiencing the impact of her tedious lifestyle on her health and family. She discusses in detail how a major consequence is childhood traumas and emphasizes the role of "Creating Safety" in burnout recovery.   

Episode Key points:

[00:08] Introducing today's guest, Shawna Bigby-Davis. 

[01:15] Shawna's "it might be me" moment

[12:47] Discussing Childhood Traumas, and their relationship with Autoimmune diseases. 

[23:10] Creating Safety; the mind-body connection.

[27:50] How to start the process of Creating Safety. 

[43:00] Shawna explains the concept of "Somatic Experiencing"

[53:54] What advice would you give listeners trying to create safety? 

[57:50] How to contact Shawna

Resources Mentioned:

Connect: 

Find | SHAWNA BIGBY-DAVIS

LinkedIn: Shawna Bigby-Davis

Website: www.shawnabigbydavis.com/

Instagram: Shawna Bigby Davis

Podcast: The B.S we feed ourselves

Find | IT MIGHT BE YOU

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Thanks for listening!

Transcript

Leah McIntosh  0:01  
Hey everyone, its Leah, welcome to another episode of it might be you. And I have a special guest with me today Shana Bigby Davis. How are you doing today? I'm well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to get into it today. A little bit about you.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  0:20  
Yeah. So I am a wife. I am a mom and I'm an entrepreneur. And I would say that actually, I'm an entrepreneur first. And I always have been, I'm headstrong, and I'm also somebody who has three autoimmune issues. And fourth, if you include epstein barr virus, and so my new passion is helping women heal from burnout and autoimmune issues, specifically a go getter driven a type personalities who give it all and leave themselves behind.

Leah McIntosh  0:56  
Yes, I i can i can understand that a type? Right, the perfectionist have? Yes, I say I'm a recovering perfectionist. It's it's a way to work in progress. But I'm working on it. Yeah. So what was your it might be me moment. What was that situation that made you stop and change tracks?

Shawna Bigby-Davis  1:25  
Yeah. So I, my journey was kind of unfolded very quickly. to backtrack, I worked in advertising and marketing for 20 years. And 15 of that was at the world's top agencies. And I was a creative director. And for any of you who work in marketing, or advertising, or design, it's a very male dominated space. And so for 15 years of my career, I took on a lot of male characteristics, including forgetting about self care, self deprecating Klein and other women, because there was only one seat at the table. And that basically left me very numb, and very, really insecure about who I was, but also incredibly driven. And the last five years of my career, I started an agency of my own. And we were successful very quickly. And so we went out on our own, I specifically started this business because I had a child that a one year old, and I thought, Wow, I can't have somebody else controlling my destiny anymore. Like I have to take control of that. And it used to be that I traveled several weeks out of the month. And so I was like, well, I can't do this with a child. So what if I built my own business and created the life that I wanted to. And while that thought is really great, I took with me a lot of baggage and a lot of characteristics that have been holding on for a long time. And I created a beautiful business and we were successful really quickly. However, there was suddenly I found myself with 24 employees and managing a really large client roster and just really just trying to keep up with that plus my family life. And who takes the backseat, we take the backseat, especially as women especially as nurturers, especially as caregivers, right. And especially somebody who had shed my feminine qualities for a long time. And so I started becoming literally crippled. I had a hard time holding a coffee cup, I couldn't hold a pen, I couldn't hold a toothbrush, I couldn't hold a hairbrush. I broke every single glass plate. Anything in the house that could break I broke and it just because would slip out of my hands. And it got to the point where I could only go into the office maybe three days a week, and then maybe two days a week. And then in order just to get out of bed. I was taking fistfuls like 12 Advil at a time. And that was just so I could walk. And what's really interesting is I knew that it was accelerating really quickly, this feeling of exhaustion, and bloat, and fatigue and brain fog. And I kept having breathing problems also. So I kept going to urgent care centers and emergency rooms and spending the night and I went to 12 different different specialists and all of them told me the exact same thing which was go do some more arms, relax, you're clearly just panicked. And there's nothing wrong with you. Your labs are completely normal. You're just being a hysterical female.

And this made me sad. This made me depressed. This made me frustrated. And ultimately I thought, Oh, well, if everybody thinks I'm crazy, then I must be crazy. So I just stopped telling people about how I felt and just lived with the pain and like I said, swallow my Advil and try and like shuffle through the day. And one day, this is my moment. We were redoing Some stuff in our house. I'm sorry, we're redoing a pool outside rather. And the pool had cracks that needed to be fixed. We fixed that. And when we dug up a bunch of concrete there, all of these crickets underneath the concrete, and the crickets, all for whatever reason, scurried into our house. So there was always these like crickets in the house, and you're like walking through, and then they just like, like, dozens of crickets would like run away from you. It was a gross, ridiculous scenario. And I was at my wit's end, I'm not sleeping, I'm exhausted, I'm losing hair and clumps. Right, I can barely hold a pen. I met you like when you're spending a lot of pain plates inside your brain, there's not a lot of space for anything else. And these crickets were going to be my demise. And so my daughter and I were catching crickets, and we were sticking them inside of a bucket. And I put the bucket on top of them. And I said, don't touch this bucket. And she's five, right, and she accidentally kicked over the bucket. And all these crickets come running out. And I lost it. I lost it. I suddenly had like the strength of 10 men, I picked up the bucket, I threw it against the wall, I smashed it. And I looked at my daughter, and I'm like, spewing explicative, right, I'm just cussing at the universe. I'm angry. I'm angry about not crickets, I'm angry about like, my body and my frustration and just everything that's happening. And I look at my daughter, who's five, and she's terrified. She's standing there, and she's shaking, and her eyes are as big as saucers. And I realized that she's terrified of me right now terrified. And I was like, Oh, I got it, I gotta get this under control, right, because what my actions have effects on her. And everything I do in this life is for her. So now I'm going to make her crazy, and put up with pain and just like teach her how to explode when it all becomes too much. And at that very moment, it was like clarity. And I realized that I needed to get help. So I tucked her in a bed, I calmed her while I calmed her down, I tucked her in a bed, I kissed her. And then I went into my room and I googled for hours. And I just happened to come up with the right keyword search. And for 12 years, I'd been experiencing symptoms. And that that moment, I found one instance of what might be happening to me, and it said rheumatoid arthritis, autoimmune disease. And when I read the words, autoimmune disease, something inside me run like a bell. And I was like, Oh, my God, I have an autoimmune disease. my very next thought was, does that mean I have AIDS? I literally did not know that an autoimmune disease meant something else. I just knew. You know what aids was growing up in the 80s. I understood very, very little. And so many people have been telling me that I was crazy. So I was like, Well, I'm going to go to my doctor, and I'm going to ask, Can I get an autoimmune disease test. And I did, and it came back positive that I had three autoimmune diseases. And for the first time in my life, I felt validated. I felt like I wasn't crazy. I felt like, Okay, this is like, now I have a diagnosis. Now I know what to do. Now I can like run my path. But that moment, going back to my daughter, seen her fear, also made me realize, like I was teaching her how to put up with pain, how to put up with crappy people how to put up with tugs on my time, and still give to people. And I was like, no, that I don't get to teach her that. A lot of like, she may end up being an A type anyway, just because she's near me and around me. And I'm really trying my hardest to recover. From this perfectionist syndrome. However, it's giving me life. And what I realized is, I needed to get out of that business, and I sold my business four months later, I was like, I got to get out. And I got to heal. And I've spent the last four years working on myself mind, body, and spirit. And I actually have completely reorganized my life around this illness. It's now my superpower. And my wellness practice has fit right into my new business. And so, you know, helping women is my is my goal in life and my love in life, and anything that I can impart to them to heal them both mind body and spirit is is what I do now.

Leah McIntosh  9:38  
Awesome, and I guess, like listening to that validation, you know, finally, somebody is listening. I have come across so many women who have had elements and they'll go to the doctor, and they're shut down. Oh, absolutely. It happened to me when I was My 20s Well, you don't know what you're talking about. And at the time I was a nurse course I know. You're kidding. Yeah. But you don't know what you're talking about. No, that's not right. And so I suffered in silence. You know, that was my private struggle for eight month until I went to the right doctor, and they were like, why did you let it go? so long? You know, better than this? Well, I tried. But I was shut down and told I was it was, I was wrong. So

Shawna Bigby-Davis  10:32  
we do that as women, don't we, we accept authority as the truth. And frankly, that is something that I work really hard on, especially with women is like, just because somebody tells you something, and you have a history of authority, and taking that, what we got to break that down, because frankly, like they're not serving, you

Leah McIntosh  10:54  
know, it didn't serve me. So for months, and I still deal with the same problem to this day, you're talking about 1516 years later. So I was right. I knew what I was talking about, you know, but like you said, I was thinking I dug myself down. I'm only you know, I'm a baby. And this is a doctor, so she must know what she saw. And it was a woman Doctor Who shut me down. So interesting, though, yeah, it was very interesting. And the funny thing, to just in this story up and tidy up, was I didn't let her know that I was a nurse. I didn't feel like it was necessary. But she ended up having a patient on my floor one night, and I've worked pediatrics. And when she saved me, it was I just seen the light go off. Oh, she didn't know what she was talking about. And so, you know, that was kind of my validating moment that Okay, yeah. I'm not just gonna come in here and make stuff up. But it's just amazing, unfortunate that women have to, I hate to use the word vague, but you almost do beg and plead to somebody, listen, there's something wrong, I know my body. I'm not making this up. I need help. And it doesn't happen in a timely manner. And so then you're forced to suffer, and then the people that watch it most. So you're doing this, and it's just a perpetual pattern? Yeah. And I'm so happy that you realize that, because when people don't realize that they're imprinting those behaviors on their babies, Oh, absolutely. No,

Shawna Bigby-Davis  12:48  
oh, my goodness, I was just talking to a client of mine. And she was talking about, she wants to divorce badly. She's like, Well, you know, I don't want my baby to come from a broken home. So I think I'll just stick it out. I might, okay, so you're going to teach her instead to stay miserable and stay small and to stay in or in a place that doesn't feel good, safe, comfortable? And to fight against your own intuition? Is that what you want to teach her? Right, these are questions we have to ask ourselves, especially as moms right? Like is, like, really evaluate? What are the silent lessons that we are teaching our children?

Leah McIntosh  13:26  
Because those are the most important ones? Absolutely. You know, later on and say, Well, the reason I noticed speaking from my experience, stuff that happened in my childhood, and haven't had those hard conversations with my mother now, hey, I internalized that. I believe that. Because, you know, like in the black community, when trauma happens, the responses, oh, let's just pray. Pray it away. And that didn't serve me or anybody else in the situation. And so when stuff started manifesting itself in my life as an adult, then I'm having to deal with all this stuff that I didn't even realize I had internalized from a very young age. Yes, you know, those silent lessons like for my mom, and I think it was a hard pill to swallow when I told her, I didn't want to go to her being the perfectionist type a type because I didn't want to have to deal with women tears. Like that's not what I needed for you. For me. At that point. I needed to see strength. I didn't need for you to I looked at tears and her crying as a weakness. Which is not I know that now but when you're dealing with on a grow up in dealing with any type of emotional trauma that Last thing we want to see is someone crying over it. And it's like, I'm not crying. So why are you? And so I held on to all that. And then when it decided to push forward and push out, it wasn't a pretty sight. So, yeah, I'm so happy that like I said, you, you stick in it early on. Because I've I've seen the damage that those silent lessons can inflict flicked on babies, you know, early, early on, and they don't even realize how it just piles on through life.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  15:41  
Well, let's talk about that. Because I think this is a huge, first of all, it's my favorite thing to talk about. And to it's really something that I think a lot of people don't understand, especially. So you said you're a black woman in a black community. Under said, by 2020 standards, there's 50 million Americans who have an autoimmune disease 75 to 80% of those are women. Most of them are black, Latina, or, you know, some other minority and or under representative race. And so what happens is trauma, I don't know, have you ever heard of aces? Okay, so this is I think this is really important. So over 90% of people who have had who have an autoimmune issue, most likely they have experienced an ace, which is a trauma when you're a child, adverse child experience. And so depending on how many of these traumatic experiences you have, if you've had a lot of them, or maybe so like, you can have one there's big t trauma and little t trauma. So big t traumas like an accident, or rape, war, something really big. Little t trauma is like somebody's constantly emotionally abusing you. Or there's maybe poverty or lack of, like, maybe there's food scarcity, right? These are like little tiny traumas, but they add up. The big t traumas are actually easier to get over than the little t traumas. And the little t traumas, what they do is they basically, it's like soul cutting, and they just tiny little cuts, little tiny little paper cuts over time. And what happens is they become something really large, ultimately, in the future, they usually become an autoimmune issue. Now, does this mean that because you had trauma, you're going to end up with an autoimmune issue? No, you have to have a predisposition to have an autoimmune issue. But if you have an autoimmune issue, most likely you had some sort of traumatic experience when you were a child. And I'm talking about like, seven, nine or younger. And so these communities that are affected the most are the people who are struggling the most of the people who are marginalized, or underrepresented, or they're struggling for, like I said, for jobs, or there's maybe a lot of violence. This is a really big deal. And so we go to talk therapy to try and like reduce this trauma, right? The thing is talk therapy doesn't work. Because inside our brain, our brain can make lots and lots of stories. And we can make lots and lots of connections. But it stays inside of our brain, that trauma is locked in ourselves. And the way to move through it, the way to push through it is like to do physical activities. But you have to do physical activities, like not just like mowing your lawn and like doing gardening is this going to work, you actually have to do some guided meditations, where you're thinking about the feeling of what happened to you, and then you push through it in your body. But this is a way for you to heal. This is a way for you to exercise and liberate yourself and take your power back talking about with your girlfriends, maybe that feels good for 1015 minutes, it doesn't reduce it at the cellular level, it still hangs out there. And that's something that we got to do as women is like come together, teach each other this stuff. And then we've got to help push it through. We can't just sit there and like kibitz and talk anymore. Like we actually got to get up and move and dance and like create experiences that heal.

Leah McIntosh  19:19  
Yeah. And you know, you just touched on something because from like I call zero to seven the imprinting stage. Absolutely. And during those very formative years, that's kind of when you start developing who you are, who you're going to become. And that was when my significant Ace would have happened. I was molested for years. With that, I adopted an identity that I didn't even know that I had until I was 30 something which was you know, I said I'm winded talk therapy, I went to sex therapy, I did all these things, and even more. And I could not let go of this vise grip. Yes, that was just right in the middle of my chest. And I figure out, I've been to I had three or four different talk therapists. And it was always the same thing. intellectually, I know, it's not my fault. No, I, I know that. But what I need to know is how do I get rid of the pain? How to live in with this. And, you know, therapy is set up in a way that you'll never be done. I right. Don't want to have to keep going, like, give me a tool that's gonna help me push through, like you said. And I've fortunately I came across that tool on accident, because I was in a funk that I could not get myself out of for two years. Yeah. And it was just like, I kept noticing I had a pattern, I would something would happen. And I will go into a funk for a year or two and just shut down and had no motivation. And when I realized that I was like, Okay, I need to figure out something different, you know, and I was open to trying other things. And I think a lot of women or just people in general are scared to open up and try new things because of is the fear of the unknown? Absolutely. And you're right, when you're holding on to those traumas, yes. They are ingrained like they are, they have rooted themselves at a cellular level, they're like hanging on. Yeah, and there's no amount of talking, that's going to help you do that. I mean, don't get me wrong. That is one part of it. You can, you can go, but sometimes you had to have a girlfriend who's a amazing social worker, but her whole premise her whole practice is, oh, I'm gonna fix you, I'm gonna help get you where you need to be in three days, if you can get this done in three days. You know, I don't know what's going on, you're choosing to hold on to it. And so when she told me that, I was like, how, how do you do that? But she incorporates so many different other modalities into what she does. And so yeah, you just touched on something with that cellular level. I didn't even think about the cellular level, I was just thinking. Just, I think more of the lines of the subconscious in the identities that we adopt from traumatic experience and things. And I was like, if you can fix or identify that identity that you adopted at whatever point and reconcile that, then it's just a trickle effect. But I didn't think I was that explains a lot the cellular level thing, because I am a huge believer in the mind, body,

Shawna Bigby-Davis  23:15  
mind body. I mean, there's an enormous, you've heard of the vagal nerve, maybe vagal nerve is a nerve bundle that connects the stem of your brain to your stomach. The cells that are in our brain are the same kind of cells that are in our stomach lining. And when so when we talk about this, this vagal nerve, it's 90% down. And I'm sorry, 90% up 10% download, I mean by that is when we think we actually think in our belly first. And then 10%. Like I said, 90% of the information goes up, we go back up to our brain, we like fact check that because there's only 10% nerves going down to our brain, or basically, the brain is saying yes, no. Right. So yes, I agree with you or no, I don't agree with you, and it sends it back down. So we're having a gut feeling. If you're having flutters you know, if you're like in love if you're like, somebody walks in the room, and suddenly you're like you're you're you got hairs up on your arm, or they don't make you feel good. Like you listen to that, because your gut knows more than anything else. Our brains are tricky. And we give them way too much control over what we do. Because we're our entire brain. Going back to what you were saying just a minute ago, our entire brain wants to keep us safe. It wants to keep us in the cave, away from lions and tigers and bears, oh my. And it's trying to create safety at all times. And it will fool you into thinking that you are safe because it doesn't want to go into the unknown. You said that women often stay because they're in a place where they're like, I don't want to move into a space that is scary because I don't know what's going to happen. That is your brain keeping you safe. And this happens again, even in a Domestic Violence violence situations where a woman is being battered and beaten and bruised, or maybe she's even just been verbally abused. her brain is telling her that it is scary to walk away from the situation because she doesn't know what's gonna happen on the other side. So she will stay there because her brain has convinced her that this is safer than something unknown. And that's your brain tricking you.

Leah McIntosh  25:25  
It is, and you just touched on something. Because even with that, just I hate to say that my brain it is the subconscious always wants to keep you save. Me even after you're talking about 10 years, I had another incident that happened to me 10 years ago. One of the defense mechanisms with that particular situation was, Oh, I'm putting weight on you. Because if you're overweight, you're not going to be attractive. Mm hmm. And is that funny how you do that? Like subconsciously, subconsciously, that's what happened. So I look back now. And I'm like, 10 years later, and I've gained in not 10 pounds. I've made over 100 pounds. And it does not wish you older. Yeah, it is. And even though I've been 10 years removed from that and unhappy marriage, I'm going to have a happy life. But my subconscious mind is still wanting to keep me safe. Yes, it has not caught up with the back that Aaliyah saves. She's happy. Let's let her release this.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  26:32  
And it won't be until you tell it it's safe and cut that HPA access HPA axis is basically where your body continues to, like release, adrenaline, cortisol, neoprene afrin. Right to keep you in this, like, I gotta go, I gotta go phrase. If you access that, if you access that too many times, what happens is your body gets stuck in it right. And you get stuck in an anxiety cycle. So the only way and you said it best is like the only way that you can really truly break this is by creating safety. And once you convince your little amygdala that you are safe, then can you move on to the next phase, which is like I gotta go do some Somatic Experiencing somatic just basically means like, feel my body. And Somatic Experiencing can be done with a therapist, it can be done by aesthetic dancing, it can be done by doing some yoga, whatever it is that you want to do. But first you have to create safety, so many people want to go and heal. They're like, Oh, I'm going to do all this stuff. I'm gonna do the breathwork and meditation and I'm going to start doing my yoga I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take some bubble baths, I'm gonna do some me time, but they don't create safety first. And so they can't understand why all these different little things that they're doing for themselves aren't adding up to me being healthy. And it's because your body still thinks that you're on fight or flight.

Leah McIntosh  27:50  
And so how do you start that process of creating that safe space? to signal that, okay, hey, I'm safe. Let's turn off this fight or flight response?

Shawna Bigby-Davis  28:01  
Yeah, so you have to do it in really, really small increments, especially if you've had traumatic experiences. Because if you go whole hog, which let's be clear, a lot of us are like all or nothing, we're black or white, right? We're like, I'm going all in. This has to be done in tiny little increments, I'm talking like 30 seconds to three minutes, period. And what you got to do is create safety for yourself by first learning to trust yourself. First of all, somewhere along the way, you stop learning how to trust yourself. We all do it, especially as women, oh, I listened to him and her and then because I don't trust myself anymore. So 30 seconds at a time, you can do a couple of things. You can listen to your favorite song in silence somewhere really, really small and tight and feels cozy. And I'm talking about like in a bedroom under a blanket or maybe in a closet, some room that you can find a little bit of where people aren't touching you seeing you looking at you. And you listen to your favorite song. And you just move your body. And by lit by you saying like I'm gonna listen to my favorite song. You're saying like, I trust myself to pick the right song. It's a teeny tiny little stupid thing, but it sounds dumb, but and then the next step, and that is again, 30 seconds to three minutes. You have to keep promises to yourself. So you need to be aware of your language. What I like to do is write down one thing that I'm going to do for myself, and then I go back to that and I complete it. So for instance, like today, you just write down one thing today I'm going to drink half a liter a bottle or I'm sorry, half a liter of water by noon. And by completing that one thing you have told your body, like I believe in you, I trust you and you've built confidence in yourself. It's tiny, tiny little things, but it's a little bit like going to the gym if you are out of shape. You don't go to the gym and straight up walk up to a 25 pound barbell. There's no, no, you're going to go to the gym. And the very first thing you're going to do is pick up with that one pound, maybe three pound, right? So these tiny little exercises, I can give you a couple more, these tiny little exercises, you're basically pulling reps, you're just doing reps, like a little, you know, pulling out that one pound barbell, and you're just, you know, doing a couple of reps on your arms. By doing these tiny little reps, your body's gonna remember, like, Oh, I know what's best for me. Oh, I actually know how to keep a promise to myself. Because when we keep promises to other people, we always keep them. When we make a promise to ourselves, it's very easy to break, like, I'm going to go to bed early tonight, maybe not tonight, because so and so needs help with their homework or someone's, you know, I'm going to help XYZ, right. And then we go last in the list. By keeping teeny tiny little promises to yourself on the daily. You remember who you are, and you remember that you are worthy. And then you start building those things up more and more and more. And there's a couple of other things, take a peek right now at yourself. If your hands are cold, if your feet are cold, you don't have circulation problems, you're stuck in fight or flight. Because the very first thing that your body does when it goes into fight or flight mode, fight, flight or freeze, what it does is it cuts off all other extremities, it cuts off hair growth, it cuts off now growth, it cuts off skin regeneration. And also it slows down circulation. So it can give all of its adrenaline and attention other places. It also shuts down your digestion, right. So a lot of people who have trauma, a lot of people have stress have a lot of gut issues, they have a lot of weight issues. And it's because their gut has basically turned off because they're constantly stuck in fight or flight. So very quick way for you to check is my hands and feet cold way that you can turn this off again, one minute, bend over and touch your toes. And if you can't touch your toes, just that's fine. Just do as much as you can, by sitting in this pose for up to 60 seconds, you can't bend over and touch your toes for up to 60 seconds if you're running away from your tiger. So what happens is your male amygdala says, Oh, I must be in a safe place, I can calm down and I can turn off and I can chill out. So a couple times a day in between your zoom meetings, or in between yelling at your kids or in between grocery shopping, just bend down, touch your toes for 60 seconds and tell your amygdala like

Leah McIntosh  32:24  
I got you. And I wouldn't have known that. And I don't have any circulation problems that I know of not right now. My hands are good, but Oh, bless you. I got all kinds of circulation. It I teach what I know. And it's very, very helpful because I guarantee you, nobody knows this stuff. This is not stuff that were readily taught or that's readily shared. Because I wouldn't have known like, you know, I've done a lot of change work. And then I keep looking back and assess like, Okay, so I've done all these changes. I'm definitely not the leader that I was two weeks ago, let alone six months ago. So why hasn't my body caught up with my subconscious? Yeah, it explains that Okay, my body still may be a subconscious mind does not trust me. That's what it is. And so this is just a realization for me that that's what it is. I have not created that safe space. And I was looking in the mirror, doing mirror work and all that is great. Yes, very, very cleansing. But that's the one step that I have not been practicing, which is the safety and so I thank you for sharing welcome, sharing that with me, because I will just kept going and running circles

Shawna Bigby-Davis  33:56  
run in circles. And that's the thing is, so most people don't realize is autoimmune and burnout. Recovery is very different than burnout, and autoimmune. I just lost the word Hold on a second, let me restate that. burnout and how to commune recovery is not the same as prevention. So prevention means I'm going to do self care routines. I'm gonna do my mirror work, I'm going to do my breath work I'm gonna do you know, I'm going to eat right and a tree, you know, I'm going to do joy based things. That's hashtag self care. That's awesome. So you don't burn out. But if you are already burned out, if you're already in like borderline chronic illness or you have a chronic illness, these steps will not help you until you create safety. You can do them all day long, for years on end and make very little progress. As soon as you start creating safety for yourself. And you physically start moving through your trauma and physically start moving through your stress. That's when the progress happens. And that's When that can happen and like you said three days, there was some really I don't know how you feel about drugs or medicine, plant medicine therapies, but there are some incredible science that is about to come out. The FDA is about to approve in the next year. Trauma therapies that include taking different types of psychedelics and it they're micro doses of psychedelics, and they're treated with a psychotherapist. So this isn't just you tripping on mushrooms, right, like in your living room, like this is you taking a plant based medicine in a particular setting, but they've taken people war veterans who have had decades of PTSD, and they've healed it within four treatments. This is amazing. This is what the world needs and you're not addicted to you know opioids you're you know like everybody because I've got three autoimmune issues always wants to give me an auto immune suppressant I'm not interested in those drugs I'm interested in healing my mind body and spirit to make me whole not being hopped up on your drugs

Leah McIntosh  36:04  
and I'm and I completely agree being someone that still has to help beyond to anti inflammatory type drugs due to hives, unexplainable just I've created are not really i said, i did i manifested that this season in my body and possibility for that. And, you know, just like you said, I'm interested in feeling whatever it is that I created, so that I'm home without having to take anti inflammatories for the rest of my life. I don't absolutely.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  36:56  
Leah, you said something real quick, I just have to say so you've mentioned you have Himes. Our skin is our biggest barrier. That is our biggest shield. And that's where you've got hives. A lot of times that's a boundary issue. Because that our skin is our biggest boundary to everything else out in the world, right. So when you've got eczema, psoriasis, or hives, it's typically a boundary issue.

Leah McIntosh  37:24  
And you know what? When I developed this, I was working in a very toxic environment, where I was constantly bombarded with sexual harassment and men making inappropriate comments about what I look like. And

Shawna Bigby-Davis  37:42  
that's got to be triggering for someone who's got molestation in their background.

Leah McIntosh  37:46  
Definitely, definitely. Because I said, as I was telling my husband, I was like, it just came up overnight. Like I never had any type of allergy. To this degree, I knew I was as a kid, I was allergic to strawberries, but it didn't have that type of effect, to the point where now I have to be on medication. I've been on medication for nine years, since you know that. So the fact that you said is the boundary issues? Yeah.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  38:20  
But you're also leveling up. So let's give yourself some props, right. So every time that you level up, you've got to redress your boundaries, because what your boundaries were two years ago, are probably much looser than they are now. Right? The new you every single week, like you shed all sorts of garbage and you regrow something beautiful inside you, right? Like you're this, you're this beautiful monarch butterfly. Right. But every single time that you level up, you also got to level up your boundaries.

Leah McIntosh  38:50  
Yep, and see sometimes, you know, I say, I say I'm the queen of boundaries, but I'm really not like, and this is then really eye opening for me to see how other people view me, like, the two nice, centrist. And I'm like, you let them because I'm somebody that says, I don't let anybody run over me, you know, and I don't. But then I do in little small ways. And that is where the breakdown starts to happen. And I'm someone that has to be very conscious of the energy of other people. And the energy that I give out as well because I get drained very easily. Being around sad energy vampires. Yes. Last week, yes, literally last week. I had a massive hive outbreak and I hadn't had one of those in years, was there a boundary? Like it was a boundary because I was I was staying. I was at a training and my boundaries were not being honored. And I wasn't honoring and Well, I'm not gonna put it on other people, but I wasn't honoring myself. It's an interesting now that you pointed that out, it's like, okay, yeah.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  40:29  
Yeah, honestly, we our own healers, we know the information, we have just forgotten how to trust ourselves. And most of the time, that's because, again, going back to those imprint years, we were told not to trust ourselves, we were told to either lie, keep it a secret. Don't listen, you know, like, you're too sensitive. Or, you know, or even terrible things like, You're stupid, or you know, you're worthless. These are things that teach you like, Oh, I shouldn't listen to myself. So that's the stuff that we have to overcome. And that's big, right? These aren't like little things. Like these are like, deeply, you know, embedded splinters, that we have to go and find, in sometimes they're really, really small. But they fester, and they cause a lot of damage. So we our own best healers, we know if we really are thinking about it. Like, what was? Who was the person who told you those things? And when did you make it believe? Like, when did you make that part of your programming? And where's it showing up in your life?

Leah McIntosh  41:39  
Exactly. And like, when did you decide to believe that and accept that I had one of those realization moments, right around the time that I decided that I was worthy of being married to my husband. During my imprint years, I was told, no one would love me and all the if, if they know, they think you're dirty, and all these things, and I didn't know that it was going to cause such a issue. When I got to that point where it was time for me to grow up and get married. So I had to do a lot of work to feel comfortable enough to even accept that. Okay, yeah, this is great guy that wants to marry me and I am deserving of that. Absolutely. It is a lot like the mind body connection is just a sounding stuff that as we will as I learn more about it, it just makes so much sense, especially with you telling me about the boundaries. I never, I never would have put that together.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  42:53  
Yeah, if you're interested, you should look up. And you can just follow some hashtags on Instagram, if this is you know, your comfort level. But Somatic Experiencing is what we're talking about Somatic Experiencing talks specifically about how trauma, embeds itself into the body, and then how to release it. And it's one of the best books out there. Actually, there's a couple different books out there. But when the body says no, it's a fantastic book. Another one is called walk Waking the tiger. And that's by Peter Levine. Dr. Peter Levine is basically the inventor of this field. And not only is the book written really simply, so you don't feel like you have to be a doctorate. But there's lessons at the end of every chapter that you can do yourself. And if you find that through that, that book like this is really making a difference. And maybe I should reach out to a practitioner. There's lots of practitioners out there. So again, if you just want to, like look up the hashtag Somatic Experiencing and just follow it for a little while on Instagram, you'll start to see may Oh, wait a minute, they're talking about patterns that I actually have. And they you know, they offer insights that resonate so deeply, that pretty soon, like it might become your obsession, also. Your rabbit hole, but the healing properties of this are like just can't be minimized, or I just can't. I can't express enough like how much how important this stuff is.

Leah McIntosh  44:21  
Yeah. And just the little bit that you've shared with me, it's, I do I want to go down the rabbit hole and I want to find out what in the world you know, what else am I holding on to that I can release to get this? Well, I just want to be aligned, that the alignment is so important. And if you're not aligned, that's when you're allowing dis ease to come in flow. And I don't want to be that way, you know, and being aware is one thing but actually finding tools and techniques that you can use is a whole Another and so I just thank you for sharing these things. You're welcome went down the rabbit hole I could tell you, right? Yeah. Find out because like, I know you doing all the work the self care going and doing all the change work that I've done, I have failed to create the safe place. Yes, for me to get completely aligned. And ladies,

Shawna Bigby-Davis  45:26  
we need that we have been, we have felt unsafe, I mean, think about walking down the street, right? Cat calls, like holding your keys a certain way like women, we got to always have our guard up. Feeling safety is a really difficult thing to tap into. This is not going to come easy to most, most people.

Leah McIntosh  45:47  
And I know it's probably definitely not going to come easy to me because I'm guaranteed I've been in fight or flight for decades. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, not realizing that I was holding on to negative emotions for decades. And that was that vise grip that was keeping me stuck. You know, when I was able to reconcile and get to the root of it. Yeah, I found my freedom. But I'm not completely free and normal work in progress like everyone else. And so I'm not afraid to share that, you know, you can, you can do all the things. But unless you're willing to learn, and hold space with people that are willing to share important steps that you may be missing along the way, then you'll be stuck. And so yeah, this is amazing information that you're sharing with us. And

Shawna Bigby-Davis  46:48  
thank you for inviting me on and letting me share. I don't know if you are interested. But I have a podcast called the BS we feed ourselves. And it's about kicking the BS out of our minds and off of our plates. So we can heal and it's about that mind body gut connection that we just so often focus on I just got to do I got to like heal my brain in order to move on or I just got to get the right diet dialed in. And then I'll be fine. Right? Like it's everything's, everything's balanced. Everything's is delicate. We'll and we all get to work together. But it's there's no yen without some Yang.

Leah McIntosh  47:28  
Exactly. Exactly. Because it is just stories that we tell each other. Well, yeah, sometimes tell each other and tell ourselves. Yeah, it's definitely important to hold these type of conversations, especially, you know, being a woman of color. This is not something that we talk about. We don't do these things. And so being that, I'm happy that I decided to create a platform where I can talk about it, and learn, because I wouldn't have known these things, you know, unless I opened myself up to learn. So yeah, it's a lot. And I know like, being with the pandemic last year, mental health has been a big topic, a big, you know, button, everybody's been talking about because being stuck in your house and not being able to move and do all these things, was causing a lot of mental health breakdown. I know, especially in the black community. But like we discussed before, I have nothing against therapy at Dennett. But I also guess I want to encourage listeners to know that there are other modalities that that you've been, you know, practice. And one of which is what you've shared during this podcast that I didn't even know anything about. There's just so much that we don't know.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  49:06  
Yeah, you're right. I'm going back to, like you said in your community. You know, hurt people hurt people. But hurt people aren't bad people hurt people have just been marginalized, not listened to, you know, persecuted, and that's unfair. And that feeling of like, why am I not worthy enough to have all the things that everybody else has adds up? And that's generational trauma that you're healing right now. And so I am calling you up right now. And because that generational trauma, you're going back, what eight generations healing something that's been woven into your DNA, generation after generation. That is hard work.

Leah McIntosh  49:53  
Yeah, it has. It's beautiful work. It is eye opening. I don't know if You've heard of time techniques now? Well, it's it is one of the most illuminating techniques. That's that's what started me on my, my real journey appealing. And what helped me to release negative emotions. And one of the questions with time techniques is, is it generational?

Or

before your birth or after your birth? And one of the emotions that I want to say it was sadness. That was stuck. My answer was, it was generational. And you can travel back on your timeline. Like the salt, the salt line. And I remember it was it was just overwhelming. When I did it. I remember seeing a it was four generations back. And it was a slave in her child. I knew it and hurt here. And like, I didn't see features or anything like that. But I was like, Okay, well, you have every right to be sad. Feeling and I didn't have to go and associate myself into the memory or anything like that. But just knowing that that's embedded in my DNA

Shawna Bigby-Davis  51:27  
100% it's embedded in our DNA,

Leah McIntosh  51:30  
in being able to heal that. That feeling was huge. I have a cousin that joined me on my journey of healing. We both started at the same time, we both are kind of at the impasse right now. And when I told her that she was just like, like, I don't believe in that type of stuff. I was like, but it's it's real. I'm telling you what just happened? She's like, yeah, it's just, like, it wasn't I didn't feel like it was a past life or anything. For me, that was a generational thing that was going on inside of our bodies. We can't help but hold on to things. And so yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot. And I'm glad that like I said that we're able to have these conversations. And I'm hoping that more women will join together and, and have more of these type of conversations and, and do the healing that needs to be done. for ourselves and for the babies going forward. Just the babies going forward. Yeah, you know, imagine 2030 years from now we continue down this path, some of the stuff that we've dealt with our kids will have to do. So

Shawna Bigby-Davis  52:55  
that's a dream. Yeah. Is that is the dream. Yeah, I mean, I think I really think that this pandemic is creating a global awakening for us, we're having to really look at ourselves in the mirror and deal with our junk. And some people are emphatically saying, I am doing it and those are the people who are out marching and angry. You know, you know, I'm not going to have my freedoms taken away this, that and the other like, those are the people who are just like they're afraid to be with themselves and be with, you know, what this pandemic is, is sort of backhanded a gift, right? backhanded an opportunity for us to look at ourselves and grow. And so like you said, if we can take a moment and bring someone along with us, and find peace, find clarity, find safety, we can all heal. So, yes, ma'am. Ice would you give to the ladies listening to create safety? Yeah, so the very first thing, like I said, in any coaching that I do, it's create safety for yourself. And for safety. I'm sorry, for each person safety looks a little bit different. So the first thing you need to identify is like, why don't I feel safe. And if you can't even get there, because you've got so many layers of the onion. then like I said, just doing things like bending over and touching your toes for 60 seconds to tell them megalis to come down. If you like weighted blankets, get yourself a weighted blanket. If you haven't tried them, they're wonderful like for anxiety. You put a weighted blanket on your body, that weight literally tells your body that you're safe and your Mengele quiets down. So find physical ways that you can create safety. And now find emotional ways that you can find safety emotional ways. Again, you need to learn learn how to trust yourself, build tiny Little promises, continue to follow through with those promises, like, I'm going to wake up at 730, I woke up at 730, I'm going to drink a full gallon of water before bedtime, I drink a full gallon of water before bedtime. They sound really, really simple and silly. However, like just doing what you say for yourself builds that muscle. And that. The other thing is, if you have something that's terrifying, you set a timer. 15 minutes no more. So for instance, let's just say that you've been avoiding doing your taxes and you're terrified, you set a timer for 15 minutes, and you sit down, you do your taxes. And the reason why you do 15 minutes is because anything that you get done in 15 minutes is gravy. And then you never have to you don't, it's not that never, but after 15 minutes, you get to give yourself a break, do things in small chunks, so it feels safe, if you just say I'm going to do my taxes until they're done. And that's open ended. And that could be six hours, all you're going to do is go into a shame cycle about how you don't know how to do math, and you're stupid, and you should have had more write offs. And why didn't I earn more money and blah, blah, blah, that's just gonna actually cause more stress. So instead, create little safety parameters for yourself by setting a timer, you know, 1012 minutes. And that's, you know, maybe 15 minutes max, like, this is all I can handle. And once I finish this, I'm going to give myself a little break, create safety for yourself, emotionally create safety for yourself physically. And then once you've established safety, the next area that you need to move into is elimination of people, elimination of food, elimination of space, junk, whatever it is that's causing you physical duress, and emotional duress, you have to eliminate it. And those are the two steps I'm going to give you right now, because those are already too much for somebody to take along. There's, there's a couple more steps. Once you do the elimination and you identify like, if you're doing really well, then you can start to reintroduce things. Or you can still start to build better boundaries. But if you can just create safety, and then start to do elimination, you will already see leaps and bounds healing in your mind, your body, your spirit, joy will start to come back. And you'll feel like you're bouncing, you'll feel like oh my gosh, I'm no longer burned out like I'm actually bouncing back.

Leah McIntosh  57:15  
Awesome. That's great advice. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming. My pleasure hearing because like I said, this has been eye opening, and very

Shawna Bigby-Davis  57:31  
educational for me. So I thank you for coming and sharing this. You're welcome. I hope that you find a little bit of peace for yourself too. And a little bit of safety. Oh, yeah. I want you to report back to me, actually.

Leah McIntosh  57:43  
Oh, I will. Because that was the missing piece for me is Oh, I need to create something. I haven't done that. So how can people connect with you? I know you said you had the podcast. So

Shawna Bigby-Davis  57:55  
absolutely. Yeah. So I have a podcast called the BS repeat ourselves. We focus specifically on like I said, clearing the BS out of your mind and off your plate so that we can heal specifically from burnout, autoimmune issues. I specifically talk to women because we feed ourselves the most BS. And the other way that you can reach me out. Reach out on social media. I'm Shana Big B Davis, Shawna spelled with a W, sh, a W and a big B. Davis. And you can find me on all the social media places. And then I'm also launching a new AI based coach, which will be released in two months actually, her name is Noemi and she's going to deliver you daily habit stacking wellness tips based on your level of burnout in the timeframe that you need. So if you've got less than five minutes, that's what she breaks it down for you. If you got up to 30 minutes, that's what she gets to. So Nomi is going to be launching like I said in two months. Oh, awesome. Interesting. For sure. So yeah, you know, as women, I just want to say real quick as women, a lot of times, we're maxed out, we're exhausted, and there's these little cracks that are starting to show up. And that's where we need to heal. But a lot of women are afraid of healing again, going back to that feeling of like, unknown. So what they do is they try to shove the healing into these tiny little cracks. Right. So it's time to maybe rethink the healing doesn't just fit into the crux of your day. Maybe healing should be part of your day as part of your routine.

Leah McIntosh  59:39  
Yeah, that's Yeah. resonates. Yeah, it just it just hit me. It hit me where it was supposed to hit. Wow, thank you for all the gems you've dropped. In just ending the episode on that notice just yeah. So, once again, thank you for coming and sharing and I will definitely keep you posted.

Shawna Bigby-Davis  1:00:09  
Thank you. Well, you're a light and I appreciate you and this podcast and all that you're doing because the world needs you and it needs healers like you.

Leah McIntosh  1:00:19  
I will talk to you guys on the next episode. Thanks for listening