The Fight Against Fatigue with John Child

Life coach, John Child shares his story of overcoming chronic fatigue syndrome.

Episode Key Points:
John's, it might be me moment. [02:30]
Preventing chronic fatigue syndrome going forward. [08:00]
Coping with chronic fatigue syndrome. [09:15]
Making billion dollar decisions, from biography of Jack Welch who used to be the CEO of GE. [11:00]
 Getting rid of negativity. [13:45]
Mind-body connection. [17:30]
The awakening moment. [22:00]
Your purpose in life predates the invention of the car. [25:30]
Embrace the fact that we're not perfect. [28:30]
Understanding the difference it makes when you pull back the layers. [34:00]
You don't pay your friends. [39:00]
Three things that have made a difference in John's life. [41:30]


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Transcript

07-01-2021 The Fight Against Fatigue with John Child

[00:00:00] Leah McIntosh: Welcome to it might be me podcast. I'm your host, Leah McIntosh who are here to help you understand that on the other side of that pain and trauma is your transformation. There may be some limiting beliefs, negative emotions and private struggles that have led you to having more. It might be. I'm here to help you learn to adapt let that because we are created to be limitless.

My hope is with each episode, you've move free and understood. Willing to accept that. Although some of our past decisions landed us in a place of uncertainty. We are only one decision away from living our best lives. Now let's go.

Hey, this is Leah. Welcome to another episode. It might be you. I have a special guest with me today, John Child. 

[00:01:00] John Child: I'm great. Thanks Leah. And thanks for inviting me on the show is a real pleasure. 

Leah McIntosh: Awesome. I'm excited because you are the first guy to get might be you. So congratulations for that. 

John Child: No, it's always like to be first at something.

Leah McIntosh: Hey, so share a little bit about yourself with the list. 

John Child: Okay, well, my name [00:01:30] is John, as you said, I am from the UK and I'm a life coach in a previous life in sort of back in 1863. When I first left college and started work, I was, I fell into marketing and alongside that was designing training courses and delivering training courses.

And that kind of developed into coaching people. And then sort of fast forward a bit. And I had that moment of it might be me, [00:02:00] I guess, and that triggered a change in career and led me into what I'm doing now, which is full-time life coaching and success coaching. And I also teach communication skills as well.

Leah McIntosh: Awesome. So with that being said, what was your, it might be me moment where you decided. Okay. I need to change tracks. Yeah, 

John Child: it was. Started, I would [00:02:30] say about 10 years before it actually happened. So I'd had a couple of different, bad decisions, I guess you could say where I'd come kind of reassessed what was happening at that particular point, but then none of the changes really stuck and I'd ended off, I'd moved across the country for one kind of work.

And then I changed careers. It's a work in the health service now, Julie and I will. Working in the health service. [00:03:00] And I kept finding I was getting really tired and I couldn't understand it. And I was, I was fine on a Monday by Tuesday. I was useless after three o'clock in the afternoon by Friday, like Fridays, I would wake up and I wouldn't be able to walk across the bed.

I couldn't understand that it's really, really odd. And of course, you know what that looks like to your employer? You know, it just looks like I was the king of the long weekends to them, you know, you know, always [00:03:30] Friday Johns don't come. So, which, I mean, anybody would think that, but I was really confused.

I didn't get it at all. And then I had an incident where I was working in hospitals and I was working across different sites. There was a shuttle bus. So I got on the shuttle bus one day and I couldn't climb the stairs so on to get on the bus and I had to be helped on the bus. And again, nobody believed me when I got back to the office and said, Hey, this is really odd, you know?

[00:04:00] Uh, and then I collapsed and I was working late on a, I think it was a Thursday. Or it might've been a Wednesday and there was me and my boss and we were having a chat and suddenly I'm on the floor and my legs are just completely given way. So she said right tomorrow morning, first thing, you straight to the dancers and went to the adults are, and after a bit of a chat, they said, I know what they is.

This is chronic fatigue syndrome. [00:04:30] Which I don't know if you know anything about chronic fatigue syndrome, but it's kind of, it's a, the closest thing to it is Emmy, I guess. So it's kind of a non-permanent form of Emmy, but it's got a really long recovery time. So they said, look, that's, what's going on. It takes three months for us to diagnose it.

I'm signing you off for those three months. Don't expect to go back to work for three years. Oh my God. So [00:05:00] this was the first I'd heard of it, you know, and I sort of said, well, I'm in the middle of a project at work here. And they said, not anymore, you know? So you, I mean, you can imagine ringing work and saying, it's a bit awkward this, but I've just been told I'm not going to be back for three years.

And they just went ballistic, obviously. Now chronic fatigue syndrome. There's no cure for it effectively. You have to wait it out about what happened, but you [00:05:30] have to rest completely. And the first thing you told is rest physically and rest mentally. And I said, fantastic, because if I'm resting, I can read.

I'm a real avid reader. I love to read. And he said, no, no, no, you can't read reading is mental exercise. You have to do nothing. So I'm sorry. Am I sort of four walls looking at the wallpaper and thinking, well, I've never noticed quite a bowl, these places. What do [00:06:00] you do? You sort of, you meditate and you, you become really introvert and you start thinking about, well, do I like where I am?

Do I, you know, the, those decisions that made me make those changes before. What, what was the con, you know, and you realize the common denominator, it happened to me, it happened around me. The one thing that's common today sees me. So maybe I'm responsible in some parts [00:06:30] for this. If I'm not responsible for the event, I'm responsible for my response to it.

And at that point, You say, Ron, what am I going to do? If I'm not happy with where I am? I know I've got three years and for the first year I can do basically nothing, but then I've got to try and work around something. I can go abouts of work because I don't know from day to day, whether I can get across the room.

[00:07:00] So as soon as I was able to sort of string a thought together, Right, right. Okay. What am I going to do? And that was the thing. It was kind of enforced because I didn't know whether I was ever going to be able to do a full week's work again at that point. So, right. Well, I can't work for anybody else because nobody else is going to put up with us.

So I'm going to have to do it in a. And that really turned everything around because it meant that I had to take responsibility [00:07:30] for what was going to happen in my future, and really look back on those previous decisions. So, right. What's led me to here. And what can I change about the way that I've been thinking to make sure that this doesn't happen again and that I can break myself out of.

W whenever you get hit by something, unexpensive you risk falling into a cycle of negativity, you know, we're all human. And I certainly do that. So [00:08:00] once you know that, and you know what your trigger points are, you can work around them and say, right, how do I avoid this? How do I recognize when it's happening?

And how do I make sure that what I'm doing is more than positive thinking. It's planning and moving forward in a positive way. So it's turning that thought into action, but that was really, that's a very garbled way of giving you the story, but it really w it was so inforced on me, this, this whole [00:08:30] change, but it was, it turned out to be such a positive, uh, experience.

Yeah. 

Leah McIntosh: And just like, I can't even imagine being told you're not going to be able to work for three years. 

John Child: It was just unbelievable. Who, who would believe that as well? I mean, I, I sort of consulted them and said consulted my, my work and said, you know, I'm off for three months anyway, but I'm not, I'm not back for at least three years.

[00:09:00] I know. Yeah. Right. Yeah, of course. Yeah. You know, and I mean, I vividly remember being this, this will tell you that the kind of environment, I mean, as soon as. Th this was the moment I knew I was working for the wrong organization because we had a Christmas day and I, I made a flippant remark about sometimes you wonder why you turn up for work.

And the whole room stopped and someone looks and said, well, four days a week.

[00:09:30] Right? Well, you don't believe what's going on here, you know? And, but he's that kind of condition where if you're having a good day, you are absolutely fine. A bad day. You literally like my, my living room to give you an example. After, after two years, I could push a vacuum cleaner, took two years to push a vacuum cleaner across a room.

It would take two hours. So vacuum the living room and [00:10:00] I would have to spend four hours recording. Because I'd be so exhausted at the end of it. Now it's so aliens. Most people that, you know, it over time enabled me to study. At the end of the three years, I'd got, I'd finished a degree in health and social care with psychology.

I was working for myself sort of as, as whenever I could, as a life coach. And [00:10:30] helping other people, but it gave me this really unique perspective on life and the importance of routine in life and forming habits that meant you didn't have to worry about what you were doing and why you were doing it. So.

That was key to recovery, but it was also a key lesson in moving things forward and consistency and success coming from doing small things consistently, not biting off more [00:11:00] than you can chew and actually probably biting off a lot less than you think you can cope with. So build that habit of learning what it feels like to achieve those little things, move forward, you know?

Uh, I always remember, as I said earlier on I'm a really avid reader and I read all kinds of things, but I like biographies and I read the biography of Jack Welch who used to be the CEO [00:11:30] of GE. And I read it because I used to work for GE back in the day. But one of the things he said was somebody asked him, how do you make these sort of billion dollar decisions?

How do you take that responsibility on your shoulders? And he said, well, you learn by making small decisions and you get used to making a small decision, and then you make a slightly bigger one and a slightly bigger one. And you realize that it's not the end of the world. If you make the wrong list.

[00:12:00] Because the process, he doesn't mind whether decisions for 10 pounds or $10 or $10,000 or a million. The process of making the decision is always the same. The outcome, the outcome may be different, but the actual decision-making process is the same. Take the information you've got, decide what needs to be done.

And then that's it. Then go and do it. Yeah. So, so [00:12:30] start small and then build up and build up. And that's how you build confidence. You build confidence out of courage. So I learned a lot from that, that whole situation and it stood me in good stead, I guess. 

Leah McIntosh: Yeah. I mean, I'm still, my mind is still just blown.

Like just being able to function for three years because I'm like you, I'm a avid reader and now I've kind of. Gone more to the [00:13:00] audio books, but there's, I mean, I can listen to and read two or three books at a time. 

John Child: Yeah, me too. Me too. I got myself an audible account and it was one of the best things I ever did.

And I've got a Kindle now as well. Which, which is a game changer, but yeah, it's, I mean, the thing is, I think I'm getting the sense you're you're like me in that [00:13:30] you can't sit still necessarily, you know, you've gotta be doing something you've got to have a project on. And so to be told you couldn't do anything for at least a year while you were in that stage of that recovery was.

Quite amazing. And it was really kind of, it just forces you to say, right, well, I'm going to peel back the onion. I'm going to rip all this stuff out. Get rid of all this negativity. Cause my, I. Without going into too much detail, I'd have [00:14:00] like really early on, my brother passed away. So that was back in the day before, you know, kids had the therapy and all that stuff.

So you just, I mean, my brother passed away on the sort of the Thursday. I was back at school on the Monday. Yeah. And then I've made some disastrous decisions in my early twenties where, you know, I was married for less than a year, which was not fun. And that, I mean, that's just the start. [00:14:30] So, so sort of sit down and say, Let's rip all this out, get rid of the, sort of the, the baggage that was coming with a little lot stove.

And that's, that was a real lesson actually, was it doesn't matter who you are and what situation you've got, what your past is like, you're carrying some baggage and you might not know you, you carry in it because we fool ourselves and we build these identities and these ideas of who [00:15:00] we are around the scars.

But that's not who we are, who we are, is the person we were before. All that happened on the person you supposed to be is the person that wasn't affected by that stuff. So if you can identify that where you've built that sort of wall around that scar tissue and renew, well, if not remove, at least accepts it and realize what he's doing, you can build around it and become a lot stronger and it takes away [00:15:30] a lot of.

Uncomfortableness about living. And you're able then to sort of put your voice out there without worrying about whether people care or are upset by it or offended by it, or, you know, or even agree with it. You know, I mean, everybody's opinion is everybody's opinion, you know, but what works as a, as a model tends to work.

And so I apply all that with. [00:16:00] With what I now do for, for a living. 

Leah McIntosh: And so with that, making that transition, I know it's kind of a forced thing. How, how long did it take you to fully recover, to be able to start in maintain your, your life coaching business? Full-time 

John Child: I started, I did the S I couldn't do anything for the first year.

And then the second year I. [00:16:30] Started in a small way coach. And I was very lucky in that because of the background I had, I already have the knowledge and I'd already done coaching I'd coach Nicole PRA environment. And I'd also worked as a partner with my father and a business. So I kind of had a business background as well at that point.

So I had a headstart, I'll say it was probably halfway through the second year. Before. I was really able to say, even if I'm [00:17:00] feeling rough on that day, I'm going to be able to come now because of the way that I was doing things at that point, I was coaching primarily through Skype because I built, I built it around the model that meant if I wasn't physically able to move out of the house, I could still do it.

That's Domingo said during the pandemic, you know, I'm used to using Skype and zoom, you know, I'm quite comfortable on it or a bit garbled on it, as you can tell, but, but I I'm, I have [00:17:30] no objections to it. You know, I like it as a coaching mediums is quite nice. 

Leah McIntosh: So do you have any residual. I don't know. I hate to use word elements from, from that time.

Do you still, 

John Child: yeah, it was funny. I know I was given the, all clear from that, which is depending on which doctors you speak to either that's possible, or it's not. So you'll speak to some doctors, who'll say the chronic [00:18:00] fatigue is non-permanent and will disappear. And that was my dog, but you'll also speak to other doctors.

Who'll say, nah, no. It's all it's always there, but my experience with it is that it disappeared completely. After the three years talk a bit more recovery on. It took some not weight lifted since my early twenties. And I got back into lifting weights at that point, just as graded exercise regimen. But what it [00:18:30] did do was it must another condition.

So I ended up. I have a B12 deficiency. So I get an injection of B12 every three months, but the symptoms are the same. The fatigue is the same. So it was only probably, probably about six months after I was given the old clear. And my partner at the time said, well, this doesn't make any sense. You know, you used to.

You still don't don't seem to be right. And I went about to the adults as in, they sort of gave me a [00:19:00] blood test and said, oh yeah, this has developed while you've had chronic fatigue. Oh my goodness. Because the symptoms of this, we didn't pick it up. We didn't test for it. So now that doesn't cause me any issues at all.

Now that he's been diagnosed because I got the injection and not that sort of sets, but yeah. But, yeah, so that was an interesting sort of time as well. Yeah. 

Leah McIntosh: Yeah, for sure. We're just, you know, everybody's [00:19:30] story of how they evolved or, you know, had to change tracks is so different. And the residing thing that I keep coming across is that the mind-body connection is, is very, very strong for me.

It was, I had developed allergies, never had allergies in my life, but I, and I would make the joke, [00:20:00] oh, I'm just allergic to work because I would have the hives and all that. And then going and getting diagnosed with basically being allergic to, to everything. I was like, how does this happen? You know, how did this happen after starting the work and realizing, oh, Some of the reasons why I'm manifesting the sickness in my body or this, this ease in my body.

It's because like you said, I was holding on to things [00:20:30] from early childhood and things that happened to me as a teenager. And so it's, it's an interesting subject, but we won't even go down that path. It's it is kind of. You know, interesting to see and to, to learn everybody else's experience with how you know, their, their bodies kind of were bolted on. 

John Child: Yeah. think you're [00:21:00] right. And I think it's, it can be so cathartic when you realize that as well. And you start, you start. So, because when you start any change work, I don't know if you found this as well when you sort of went yeah. Through it, but there's, once you started you peel back a little bit and you realize something's changed, and then you get a little bit of fear because you think, well, this is who I'm used to being.

Who am I going to be without this stuff? And [00:21:30] so I, I know I am in my coaching practice, I've worked with people who they will fight tooth and nail to keep hold of some of this stuff, because they'd rather keep hold of that than risk being somebody that they're not sure who is going to be, you know, it's not fair of the unknown, but the unknown is themselves.

I find that sort of paradox. Very, very interesting because I've to this day, I mean, it is possible, [00:22:00] but to this day I've never met anybody. Who's made those changes or done that self-work who came out the other end and went, now that was mistake. Everybody has a positive, you know, everybody has that smile that you just got, you know, it's, it's such a difference.

Yeah, it's so hard to explain to people, but it is it's, it's an awakening moment and it's joyous, you know, and life should be about joy, you know, is too short [00:22:30] to be anything else. If you're not, I've said this so many times to so many people, but if you're not doing, if what you're doing, isn't bringing you joy.

It's the wrong thing. Do something else, you know, life can be hard work. What you're doing can be hard work, but if it doesn't the end result, isn't joy. You know, why, why, why do it, why do something else? Life's too short to do something [00:23:00] that you don't want to do. 

Leah McIntosh: And, you know, I had made that decision before I even knew that I needed to change when I was 21.

I remember I was working. And the hospital. And that was one of the many hats that I wore. I think it was labor and delivery. I was working at that point and just watching the nurses that had been there for 20 plus years. One of the [00:23:30] nurses, I think my charge nurse was the nurse that helped deliver me. So that list and just seeing how miserable they were.

I said, I, I don't want this, you know, and this is not, this is not what I want. And then some of the mentors that I had at that point that were nurses were telling me, don't, don't keep pursuing this. Don't do it, don't do it. And I've realized just over this, since I started my change work, [00:24:00] that I had a doubt.

I adopted this identity of nurse Leah based off of. Me having a little full power with my sister when I was poor and she was two and I got a hold of the cough syrup and drugged her up real good. And based off of that, you know, my family was like, oh, Lee is a little nurse. Her sister said she wasn't feeling good.

So she gave her the cops. And I [00:24:30] realized I don't, I don't even want to be a nurse. That's not who I wanted to be. And just coming to those realizations have been such a freeing thing for me and other people that I've talked to and coached. It's like, yeah, you know what? I see what you mean. I didn't really want to do that.

That was somebody else's idea. 

John Child: Do you know, that's, that's a really key thing to realize as well, is that particularly at the moment with, [00:25:00] with what we do and with the online sort of community as well, it's so easy to get caught off pain, aiming for somebody else's idea of success and, and there's that whole, you know, there are two or three strands of what is quote unquote acceptable success.

But that's not necessarily who you are inside, you know, and you can spend your life stri. I mean, we hear it all the time. People striving for success, they get it and they're miserable. [00:25:30] And it's because it's somebody else's idea of what they should be striving for. You know, if, if it, if it's not, you need to know what drives you, you know?

I mean, he's popular. So, you know, what is my wife? Yeah. You know, but I mean, but the thing is, is that question is asked quite flippantly a lot of the time, but he's a really foundational question and people sort of spend five minutes thinking about it. [00:26:00] Well, it should take a lot longer than five minutes to get that, to get under the layers of conditioning that tell you that you want a Ferrari know.

Because your purpose in life predates the invention of the car. So that is not your purpose in life is not to buy a Ferrari. That might be a sign that a nice side effects and a nice, you know, but your purpose has to predate that there has [00:26:30] to be something that relates to you as an individual, but human beings as a species.

We, we have a purpose as a species, as well as we do as individuals and they have to relate. So it can't be anything to do with something that didn't exist at that point. I mean, I mean, that's a theory and here's my theory, but it works for me I guess, but there'll be though we [00:27:00] tend to build our careers quite flippantly on what is socially acceptable in a very small period of time that we're of working age.

I mean, I'm 45. I've probably got, I don't know. 25 years of work ahead of me. So I'm very in the grand scheme of things, it's a blink of an eye. And yet I'm talking about, well, I want to do this and that, and this none. This is my purpose and [00:27:30] well, what I want to do and what might affect a few people for the next decade, 30 years, 40 years down the line might be completely wrong.

It might mean nothing, you know? So one thing that I'm interested in at the moment, and I'm still kind of, as you can tell, still sort of formulating this idea is how do you, how do I peel that back? And, and cause I'm, middle-aged, I'm going [00:28:00] through a midlife crisis. What is my legacy going to be? And do I want to leave a legacy?

That's the first thing or. I'm one of those people on, I'm a bit of a dichotomy. I want to help a lot of people, but I also want to be completely anonymous, but I won the credit because I'm human and we all want credit for what we're good at. And again, you know, having that awareness to as human beings, I'm aware that what just came out of my mouth, he's not perfect.

You know, [00:28:30] there's an awful lot of ego wrapped up in what I just said, but he's also embracing the fact that. We're not perfect. And we do have these things and how do we work with them? How do we work around them? And how do we say that has no place in coaching somebody else or whatever, or helping all the people, you know, you know, he stopped all time, all, all time question.

Is there any such thing as altruism? [00:29:00] Yeah. Does anybody ever act altruistic? There's no right answer to that question. I don't think 

Leah McIntosh: because, you know, I, I literally last week just took this personality test and it said that it had altruistic traits and that I put other people before me. And I know that that's something that I do, but I also know as a human being that if it came down to it, I'm going to choose me.

[00:29:30] Period, you know, if it came down to, 

John Child: but the, the other thing as well with that is there's a theory. And, and again, I, I do a lot with neuro-linguistic programming and as you'll know, one of the premises of neuro-linguistic programming is, you know, everything we do is for a purpose and that purpose serves us.

So, if you're doing something altruistically is because you're running a pattern that provides you with a feedback and that's an emotional feedback, which is probably [00:30:00] a good feeling. Cause you done something nice. Well, if you weren't getting that feedback loop, would you have necessarily made that decision?

I don't know the answer. It depends on who you're talking to, but I would suggest that. You make those decisions. So consciously man, it's an interesting question. I certainly enjoy coaching people. I certainly liked the, the feedback I get from that, those that actually matter if you're helping people.

That's the other question. So, so I [00:30:30] feel like I'm bringing up a lot more questions than 

Leah McIntosh: well, no, cause I just thought about it. It's like, I guess I am. I'm somebody that believes that certain people are hardwired. To be transformers and other people's lives. You know, it's just something inherently within us that makes us want to help people along with their transformations and things like that.

Whereas [00:31:00] you like online, you know, the, the space right now with coaching, not everybody is heart or they're not. Heart-centered when it comes to. Coaching it's more money driven or, or what. 

John Child: John. I'm so nice to hear you say that. You know, because I was talking to, I do a podcast every week for people who are starting up small businesses.

I do it with a [00:31:30] business coach. I do the salt, that life coaching, psychological side stuff. He does all the nuts and bolts of the business, but we were talking about that exact same thing. And I got into a bit of a debate on a coaching forum where somebody posted and said about high ticket clients. The you'll have seen this yourself.

Everything on these forums at the moment is get high ticket clients for, they start in the other. And I went on to say, well, the people I coach, they can't afford a high ticket [00:32:00] price. Why would I want to eliminate all of those people that need help? When my driver is to help people, my key drug, my key value, my key driver is help people.

No, as, as by the sound of it, yours is, you know, why, why would I be interested in that when it's reducing a client base, reducing the effectiveness of the coaching also gives somebody I've never met low to cash [00:32:30] recalls. It's not coach and it's not helping people selling somebody calls and saying, don't bother me with it.

Now you've bought. No 

Leah McIntosh: exactly. Cause a lot of the times you buy forced and you don't even use it. You don't go through it. There's no action. And you don't even know if the person is getting a transformation, you know, as a coach and I'm a fellow NLP peer too. [00:33:00] So knowing that my core driver is to actually see.

Some transformation. I don't feel like I've effectively coached or, or did an NLP session without seeing some form of transformation and it doesn't have to be major. And I don't it's it's not ego driven. It's how am I being effective? Yeah, no. If, if you come to me with a [00:33:30] problem and you're trusting me, you're putting your trust in me to help you.

If I don't see or feel or hear yeah. What I'm doing is effective, then what's the point, you know.

John Child: what's the, yeah. Yeah. I think you're absolutely right. And I think that that's, I don't know what you think, but for me, I've always thought that's why so many people who have [00:34:00] done this kind of change, work on themselves.

Or a trout suit to that industry on a trout, to the code, the sort of the coaching side of things, because they understand the difference it makes. And when she felt it in yourself, there's a shift and you understand the difference. It makes very hard to explain it to somebody who's not gone through that process.

The difference it makes until you see it. And I think that's why a [00:34:30] lot of what we're seeing online at the moment. Is going on challenged because it's people who haven't gone through that process, trying to sell to other people who haven't gone through that process. And, and as soon as they do that was going to die off.

Or at least I hope it will because I think it's disingenuous. I think it's difficult for the, for the industry. I don't know how it is in the states, but in the UK, coaching is completely unregulated. [00:35:00] Yeah. So you can get people who have done a weekend course with a certificate walking around saying, I've got a certificate, which means nothing.

It's a franchise pitching or talking to clients. And then you've got people like us who have been doing it for years who don't have that certificate. They will a lot sort of in depth work. And I think there's a, there's a real issue with [00:35:30] coaching because where that exists, what does a client, what does it, what do you know?

Somebody who needs the help? Where do they go? They say a certificate. They don't know enough about it to know that he's the one who regulates it. They don't know what that means. And they don't know what questions to ask to find that. Is this is this the kind of coaching that I need is this coach, the right coach for me.

Cause that's the other thing is not [00:36:00] everyone's the same. Not every everybody works the same way. Not everyone's going to gel the same way. Um, Some potential clients are looking for more of a friend or an excuse, someone sublime when they don't change. You know, because of that fear thing they've got in that comfort zone, and someone said, you need to go and see a coach and that they want to be able to say it.

Wasn't my thing. Well, no, my watch. You're going to [00:36:30] change if you, you know, you know, if you've said you want to change, you're going to change. You know, and I think that that's important is too many people are looking for that kind of sympathetic friend relationship. And they don't know enough about the coaching process to know that he's not a therapy is results driven and it makes a difference, but they've got to do the work.

Exactly. And that's my coaching rum. I'm afraid 

[00:37:00] Leah McIntosh: a hundred percent on point because you know, I I've had and seen even a friend of mine start a coaching business and I'm someone I I'll say know, I'll put my hand up for me. I looked at you. Doing certifications and stuff as a way to prove that you're educated.

And I let that hold me back from actually running with it because I was like, what are people going to take me [00:37:30] serious? I don't have this. And then I would see people that didn't have that same mindset as me jumping full stream ahead and build themselves coaches without having that format. You're right.

Coaching is results driven and there is a definite if you're doing it right format, that needs to be followed, but we go down the rabbit hole with this. [00:38:00] So yeah, I don't even want to go, go any more into it. Cause if you I'll be on a soap box, right. 

John Child: Yeah. Yeah, it made, so it's, it's an interesting problem. I think that is getting worse because he's so such an easy, the streets you get into.

I mean, the way I got around it was I joined a trade association. So I'm able to sort of say, well, these are the standards that I have to uphold to be a [00:38:30] member of this association. And that's how, how I sort of got around that. But it's yeah, it can be uncommitted. So I have to have those conversations because it means that we end up having to educate people before we can tell them about the benefits of what we do is it adds a complete extra layer to getting the word out there about who we are and how we work.

The other industries don't necessarily have to have, 

[00:39:00] Leah McIntosh: I'm seeing people now doing like YouTube videos on. How to pick the right coach for you and, you know, yeah. That's important for people to know. Yeah, for sure. But you're right. There are people out there that just need that friendship and that's not what coaching is about.

John Child: Yeah. You don't pay your friends. I think that's that, you know, I I'm, at the moment I'm [00:39:30] writing a, a consumer guide to life coach. Um, and that's one of the things are just, I rotate today are Julie. Yeah. You don't pay your friends. You are effectively, you are employing your coach to help you achieve a result when you have to go into it with that mindset.

Uh, because otherwise, I mean, it's not good for you and it's not good for your coach. [00:40:00] No, it really 

Leah McIntosh: isn't. There has to be boundaries and people is hard when you blur those lines. That's when you get with, I don't know, hurt feelings or accusations and things. So it's just, boundaries are key in coaching from promote sides.

So. And you will feel, you know, if you're with a coach for a while, and this is [00:40:30] another thing too, the coach that you start out with is not going to be the coach that you in with. If you're evolving as a person, the level of coaching that you get is going to evolve as well. And people need to understand that as well.

You're right. It's your coach is for all intents and purposes, an employee. Yeah, you're there for a purpose and whatever, whatever that purpose is, once they [00:41:00] serve it, then you move 

John Child: on. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 

Leah McIntosh: With that being said, what piece of advice would you give my listeners, our listeners, this episode that might be, you know, Changing tracks or wanting to change tracks.

John Child: There are three things that really have made a [00:41:30] difference to me and they sort of speed of making any change for me. The first is, as I mentioned earlier on reading on a real avid reader, if you want to make any kind of change, read it. Guys, you know, I mean, I'll hold my hands up. Very often overdo the reading on a certain subject, but limit yourself to three or four books.

Find [00:42:00] I'm a big fan of the classic texts. Because they tend to have stood the test of time. They're very easy to implement. So for self-help books, you know, think and grow rich, he's probably the only one you'll ever need. As far as I'm concerned. It's, that's where, where I sort of come from with that, but real specialist knowledge in whatever you do.

And if you want to change careers, find out about that career before you make the jump so that you know what you don't. And then you [00:42:30] can go out and find it out and learn it and do whatever. Or second thing is to journal. Uh, one thing that I probably didn't mention earlier on was with the chronic fatigue.

One of the things that speeded up my recovery was I journaled constantly and it really makes a difference. It gets all that stuff. This stock inside gets out because once you put it on paper, you can't ignore. Eight that is in front of you. You read it again in a week and you go, [00:43:00] oh my God, I'm awful. Who am I?

You know, who wrote this stuff? So, I mean, I've still got my jails from that time. And I was just the stuff that was coming out of me at that point, but that journal, and I'm not one for, you know, get one of these journals with questions into answer or anything like that. Just sit with a pen and paper and write until you can't write anymore.

Because the stuff that comes out is the stuff that you need to come out. [00:43:30] And then there's a layer under that and a layer under that. And I probably journal for solid 12 months and some of those days, because it was doing nothing else. Some of those days was generally for eight hours a day, just sat with a pen and paper, just write into the writing room.

And so cathartic. So say Saul some time every day and just write and don't throw it away. Cause it's interesting for later, but also you'll see how far you've come and you'll see why you've changed. But what you'll find is that the same things [00:44:00] will come up over and over again, but you won't realize. And so you read it back and go, right.

There's a part in there. There's an issue. That's it focus? Do something about that. And the third thing we should do every day now and have done for years is meditation. And just say for at least 20 minutes every morning with no sound, nothing set a timer. If you have to, you know, if you, but make it part of your routine, [00:44:30] because again, he stopped ability to quiet.

Walt's going quiet and the chatter, you know, slow down those pictures and those movies and just say, right, this is me for a minute and things. And you'll solve problems. You'll recognize thoughts. You'll see. Those one thing that I'll do, this is quick, I'm conscious of your time. But one of the things that direc realized when I was meditating was I've got these little [00:45:00] voice and the one that tells me what to do and puts me down constantly.

Cause we've all got one of those. It always sits on the right-hand side just about there. Right? Okay. Well, what happens if I move it to the right. Well further down and I was able to move it. And now that voice, I can ignore it because it's not there, but I didn't even know that existed until I started meditating.

Because when you still, you can hear it and he's going all the time, you know, but once you [00:45:30] know that stuff's there and we've all got it, you know, it's like, you'll know yourself, particularly with the NLP work and your clients. They've got no idea that they see in these pictures flying around until you say.

Slow the pictures down and suddenly they go, okay, now that to them, they haven't realized it. But so then that's a life-changing moment because you've made them aware of something that has always been with them has been affecting their lives in really [00:46:00] detrimental ways, in some instances, but you've just given them a way to recognize it and say, step back.

You know, it, you can look at this objectively now because you can control it. Meditation. I found did that for me. So the three things that I'd recommend to anybody is read constantly. And again, you said earlier on about all trouble, you know, if you don't like reading books, get an audible account journal of medicine.

Leah McIntosh: And those are three [00:46:30] things that I've I've I've recently started the journaling. Just like you said, you, when I read back some of this stuff, I'm like, oh my God, I think of that day, but it's very informative for me, I guess, to see the changes that I've made just in a very short amount of time. And it's, it's been beneficial, so I've definitely, that's good.

Yeah, 

John Child: it's really, it's a really, [00:47:00] it really supercharges any progress, heightened journaling. It's, it's kind of a special thing. It really is. I find it really, really useful. 

Leah McIntosh: It is. And then, you know, I looked at it as, you know, if somebody reads back on these journeys, In my family from years ago are years down the line.

It would give them a good insight of, you know, knowing who I was and how I evolved over time. So, you know, that was an interesting [00:47:30] thing for me, just a thought to that. I was like, oh, you know, you you're about people find in journals from their great, great grandmothers and stuff like that. So I just thought it was interesting.

Start that practice. Two. So yeah. Well, can you let the listeners know how to find you on social media website? 

John Child: Yeah, sure. I've got a website which is [00:48:00] www.Skypelifecoach.UK, which I registered before people started using zoom. So I've also now, so I've now got, I'm also at the same website.

zoomlifecoach.uk as well. And you can find me on Facebook ats, John child, Skype life coach. They're the best ways I'm on Twitter. I'm on Twitter as well, but I'm not on that as much. And I'm just known as tweeting jokes. Okay. 

[00:48:30] Leah McIntosh: Awesome. Well, it has been a pleasure having you.

John Child: It's been fantastic. Thank you very much for inviting me on. I know we had quite a wide ranging and rumbling conversation there, but hopefully it's been, been useful and have been interesting to people that are tuned in as well. And I really appreciated it and what a fantastic podcast and yea.

Leah McIntosh: Thank you.

[00:49:00] (outro)

Thanks for listening to another episode of it might be you. I release new episodes on Thursdays and make sure to follow me on Instagram at @SuperiorThinkerInc so that you can keep up with all things, Leah and the podcast. Thanks for listening.